I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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