i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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