Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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