Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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