If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
