I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
