Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
