Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
