I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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