Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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