its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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