I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
