You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
