he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
