I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
