Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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