I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
