I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
