One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
