ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
