dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
