my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
3pm strippers are depressing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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