overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
