Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
