Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
