My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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