Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
