this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
