i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
