Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize