went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
