Do you still have your period?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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