He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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