im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
