I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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