the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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