Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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