I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
