you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
