"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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