Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
