ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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