Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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