Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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