I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
