You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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