you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
