i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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