Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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