I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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