We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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