you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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