I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
