i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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