one word: firstdatebathroomanal
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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