So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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