I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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