he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize