Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
