If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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