what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
