I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
