yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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