I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
