so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
love makes seman taste better
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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