I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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