Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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