Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
