some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
