My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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