When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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