White coat. Heels.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize