this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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