OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
