A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
