I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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