you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is the high leading the old right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
