Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
