somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
