over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
