i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
