Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
