Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dick very happy bro
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
