And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
