Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
