Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
