Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
