Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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