Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
