Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
