well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
