am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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