I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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