We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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