I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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