I'm eating all of the evidence.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
