Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
